Resilience is the ability to cope with whatever crisis life throws at you. It can be compared with the stretchability of a rubber band: the further the stretch, the better the resilience. Just how resilient you are can only be assessed when a crisis occurs. Some people have built successful lives and are admired for their accomplishments but might react differently in the face of adversity. Other people might have more difficulty organizing their daily lives and yet when adversity comes knocking they are suddenly on top of their game.
Resilience can already be observed early in life. Some children succeed and even thrive despite immense hardship and other children are less able to deal with the same adversity indicating that resilience is at least partly a trait. Luckily, resilience skills can be learned and enhanced.
Here are four basic skills that will add to your resilience.
1. Acceptance and control
Change is often a good way of dealing with unpleasantness. Our by capitalism dominated culture depends heavily on change as a facilitator of well-being. This goes from changing clothes, cars, homes, friends, partners, countries, to even changing our aging bodies. It is high time to explore the benefits of acceptance. Accepting does not mean surrender or giving up. It means using another strategy to deal with something that can't be changed. Accepting means letting go of unnecessary worry and anxiety. Sometimes the only way through a crisis is to accept the situation. If you accept what currently can't be changed you free up energy to invest in something that you can control. By accepting what you can't change you take back control by choosing what to focus on and what to let go.
2. Self-talk
Self-talk is the ongoing internal conversation with yourself. The impact of the voice inside is paramount to your well-being and knowing how you talk to yourself is a powerful navigation tool. When you notice the tendencies in your self-talk you can better understand your behavior. For example, if your self-talk is full of belief in your ability to get things done, you are more likely to set goals, start working towards these goals and accomplish them. You can track your self self-talk by keeping a diary. Pay attention to both the content and tone of what you tell to yourself. If you don't like what you hear, start with changing the conversation. After all, it is you who is doing the talking.
3. Goal setting
Goals drive motivation. Goals and aspirations that give you meaning and purpose trigger your internal motivation which drives you even when rewards from the outside world are limited. Keeping your eye on what you what to accomplish will help you take on tasks that might seem tedious but are necessary to get there. Not all goals are great. Sometimes you just need to clean up the mess at home or answer overdue emails. You can use an easy technique to break up the bigger goal (e.g. orderly kitchen) into smaller tasks. I use a trick which I simply call 1-2-3. Every number equals one smaller goal that contributes to the bigger one.
For example, you want to get the dirty dishes clean and into the cupboard. 1 = wash the plate, 2 = dry it, 3 = put it in the cupboard. One smaller goal accomplished. Lots of shores can be done in three steps and the counting helps you to work focused and fast. The kitchen will be clean in no time.
4. Tactical breathing
The importance of being able to get in touch with your breath is a recurring topic if you want to be more resilient. Like acceptance and awareness of inner dialogue, focusing on your breath is a component of mindfulness that reconnects you with the present. Practice this breathing exercise when you are facing a difficult situation. It will calm you down and it will create some space for you to figure out the next step.
- Breathe slowly in and out through your nose in 10-second cycles and hold your breath for 5 counts after each inhale: “in -2-3-4-5, hold -2-3-4-5, out -2-3-4-5”. If you want to see the difference you can check your pulse before you start the breathing exercise and after you have done this for a few times.
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